Day 1 Fear is not productive – that’s my mantra for the day. For as I write, I sit on a plane wearing a mask, glasses, and gloves, flying into the eye of the storm. The WHO has declared Europe the center of the Covid-19 pandemic, and it doesn’t get more central than Zurich, which […]
A Conflict Of Interests: An Open Letter To Dr. Pies
Dear Dr. Pies, Whilst I appreciate your courteous reply to my article “I’m Not Sick, I’m Grieving — The Day Grief Was Medicalized” published August 22nd, 2019, I do take issue with a number of the points you make. I also note, without meaning to sound churlish, that you failed to apologize for your “very […]
Secondary Losses – How Long Is Your List?
The death of our child is termed a ‘primary loss‘. Sadly, it’s not the only loss we must endure. Many bereaved parents fail to realize that the moment our child dies, we begin to experience ‘secondary losses‘. And these, like the devastating loss of our child, must also be grieved. For those new to the […]
My Eyes Still See Yet My Heart Can’t Feel The Colours
In the stillness of the night, when no one stirred, and my heart was gently beating, you came to me in my dreams. There was no muffled scream, no tears, no fear. Instead, I felt your sweet breath as you whispered — “I love you, mum.” Like guarded pearls, I held your words up to […]
As Shock Subsides You May Dare Ask, What Now?
Shock is the body’s response to child loss. It shields you temporarily from the enormity of what has happened. It may last only a matter of hours or perhaps several months. Yet at some point, the shock will subside and like a raging tide sucked back out to the sea it’ll reveal the corroded horror […]
No Altar At Which To Lay My Aching Soul
Over the Easter weekend, we as a family celebrate in our own secular, non-churchgoing way — an early morning chocolate egg hunt followed by a big breakfast featuring a bunny-shaped bread and Easter egg tree. Our family has passed this Swiss tradition down from one generation to the next. It’s without a doubt my favourite […]
Anniversaries I Never Even Knew Existed
The 26th March 2018 will mark the first anniversary of the start of the trial. On that day a year ago, I drove myself and my family to the Courthouse, parked the car and nervously walked up the steps to the entrance under the watchful gaze of lawyers, officials, and the public. I’ve tried not […]
Gardening Through Grief
My childhood is blessed with memories of apple orchards, picking blackberries, raking autumn leaves and snowmen. And yes, of gardening, of being a reluctant helper in my parents’ soggy vegetable plot. When I started a family I knew I wanted my children to feel compassion and connected to living things. I’d been working in a city […]
A Four-Part Article on Homicide Loss — Part 1 The challenges faced by homicide loss families
I am a co-victim of homicide, a murder survivor. Some refer to me as the mother of the boy who was killed. At times, it feels as if I don’t even have a name, such is the stigma surrounding homicide. Whatever the term, the fact is that my wonderful, funny, bright, handsome 23-year-old son was […]
Journey into the Underworld
He was gone. Her son was dead. She screamed, her wounds of grief as lethal as the gashes on a hunted animal. Her cries reached up to the skies and down to the centre of the Earth. And then she collapsed. In the Underworld, the place where light dares not enter, where the gods and […]