There are moments when I look back and realize that however sad I am, I know that at least my mother didn’t have to grieve her grandson too, and for that, I’m eternally grateful. When my son, Alex, was killed, my mother had been dead for 14 months. She had died following years of debilitating […]
I Did Not Get To Say Goodbye
It’s what I didn’t say that hurts. It’s not being able to go back and tell him all those things that swirl wildly in my mama-heart. When I didn’t get to say goodbye, my unspoken words were lost in air so thin they could not find my son who’d died. In December 2014, Alex was […]
Should Grief Be A Disorder? The APA Thinks So.
The American Psychiatric Association is creating a new grief disorder with which to diagnose the bereaved. Hard to believe, right? As if we didn’t have a plethora of diagnoses hanging over our heads already, we’re now having another one thrown at us: ‘Prolonged Grief Disorder’. For those who are new to the DSM-5, let me […]
Grief In The Age Of Despair
We’ve entered 2020. Once again I feel acute grief as a new year starts and I face yet another 12 months without my child. Add to that, my son Alex was murdered on 30th December, so it’s always tough as we move into January. But these days, it’s not only his death that drags me […]
‘People Do Care’: A Doctor Speaks On The National Day Of Remembrance For Murder Victims
Alongside the devastating realization that I’ll never hug my son Alex or hear his voice again is the execrable thought that he suffered in his last moments alive. The idea that my child was in pain and terrified as he died is a nightmare shared and revisited by parents and loved ones of homicide victims […]
The Film First Man Perfectly Depicts What Life-long Grief Looks Like
Having planned to take part in #ADayStillStanding with Still Standing Magazine, but unsure how my Monday would look, I was surprised to find myself at my laptop in the early hours of 8th October reflecting on the movie First Man which I had only just seen at the Zurich Film Festival. Damien Chazelle’s film focuses […]
Releasing Emotions Without Fear Of Judgement
When tragedy strikes most of us don’t know how to release our emotions naturally and safely. Instead, we tend to bottle them up. Afraid of being judged by others we hide the agony of our loss. Quite possibly, we’ll scream when no one hears or sob uncontrollably in the car. I know I did and […]
Finding Sanity In The Midst Of The Madness Of Loss
Putting my story and my son’s life into context was important to me after Alex was killed. The grief was overwhelming. I was so deeply lost in the horror of what had happened and the terrifying thought of the rest of my life without him, that I yearned for something, anything, that would help me […]
With You When You Awaken; Still There When The Darkness Descends
Fighting against the reality of child loss won’t lead us to the place through which we must travel: the honest, intimate, soul-crushing acceptance that we’re grieving because our child is dead. That’s what we’re being asked to do in facing this indecent truth. We’re being asked to take the hand of this most unwanted, terrifying […]
The Dos And Don’ts Of Talking To Homicide-Loss Parents
Most people don’t know how to speak to a homicide-loss parent. They’re lost for words. I get that — homicide is very frightening. So, here’s a list of dos and don’ts to remember: 1. Call the murder victim by their name. Homicide loss survivors are no different from other child loss parents or siblings — […]