The cruel and heartbreaking reality of obstetric fistula following stillbirth was truly brought home to me by one extraordinary woman – Dr. Catherine Hamlin. Nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and holder of innumerable awards, Catherine devoted her life to treating this devastating medical condition in the belief that one day it would be eradicated […]
Redefining Christmas And The New Year
Oh, how I used to love a big, sparkly Christmas! All of us together, the decorations, carols playing, and food prepared – the excitement, the hugs, the smiles, the presents placed under the Christmas tree. We would sing, feast, and afterward sit snuggly for hours. But then it stopped, extinguished as if it had never […]
How I Moved From Surviving The Loss Of My Child To Mindful Living
In the first years following the death of my son, I would talk about surviving the death of my child. I was learning to cope with daily life following the catastrophic loss and the use of the word ‘survive’ pretty much summed up my grey, anguished existence. I’d somehow managed — through agonizing pain and […]
Why Does Healing Feel Like A Betrayal?
In the first years after my son’s death, the mere mention of the word ‘healing’ made me recoil. Healing. It’s a simple, comfort word, right? A concept that all right-minded people believe is a healthy thing, supposedly the ultimate goal for those who are suffering. So why, I used to ask myself, DOES HEALING FEEL […]
Learning To Live With The Thought That My Child Suffered
How does one come to terms with the thought ‘Did my child suffer?’ How am I meant to live a quiet, present life when this question has the power to push me back into raw grief? If I let it, the thought of my child’s last hours alive can send me into a tailspin. Images […]
Purpose
These two. They give me the courage to be the best version of me. And, The one that is missing. The one that is gone. The one, brutally taken from us, all of us, ripped out of our lives, leaving us breathless from lack of air, suffocating like he did, gagging on our grief because […]
With You When You Awaken; Still There When The Darkness Descends
Fighting against the reality of child loss won’t lead us to the place through which we must travel: the honest, intimate, soul-crushing acceptance that we’re grieving because our child is dead. That’s what we’re being asked to do in facing this indecent truth. We’re being asked to take the hand of this most unwanted, terrifying […]
Gardening Through Grief
My childhood is blessed with memories of apple orchards, picking blackberries, raking autumn leaves and snowmen. And yes, of gardening, of being a reluctant helper in my parents’ soggy vegetable plot. When I started a family I knew I wanted my children to feel compassion and connected to living things. I’d been working in a city […]