The words Grief and Mourning are often used interchangeably. Additionally, the term Public Grief can be confusing. So here’s a guide to the differences between Grief, Mourning, and Public Grief. GRIEF Simply put, grief is what we feel inside of us. It’s the instinctive, natural response to losing someone we love. It’s all our thoughts, […]
Learning To Live With The Thought That My Child Suffered
How does one come to terms with the thought ‘Did my child suffer?’ How am I meant to live a quiet, present life when this question has the power to push me back into raw grief? If I let it, the thought of my child’s last hours alive can send me into a tailspin. Images […]
The Film First Man Perfectly Depicts What Life-long Grief Looks Like
Having planned to take part in #ADayStillStanding with Still Standing Magazine, but unsure how my Monday would look, I was surprised to find myself at my laptop in the early hours of 8th October reflecting on the movie First Man which I had only just seen at the Zurich Film Festival. Damien Chazelle’s film focuses […]
Releasing Emotions Without Fear Of Judgement
When tragedy strikes most of us don’t know how to release our emotions naturally and safely. Instead, we tend to bottle them up. Afraid of being judged by others we hide the agony of our loss. Quite possibly, we’ll scream when no one hears or sob uncontrollably in the car. I know I did and […]
My Eyes Still See Yet My Heart Can’t Feel The Colours
In the stillness of the night, when no one stirred, and my heart was gently beating, you came to me in my dreams. There was no muffled scream, no tears, no fear. Instead, I felt your sweet breath as you whispered — “I love you, mum.” Like guarded pearls, I held your words up to […]
The Dos And Don’ts Of Talking To Homicide-Loss Parents
Most people don’t know how to speak to a homicide-loss parent. They’re lost for words. I get that — homicide is very frightening. So, here’s a list of dos and don’ts to remember: 1. Call the murder victim by their name. Homicide loss survivors are no different from other child loss parents or siblings — […]
Walk Out, Get Angry: A Homicide-Loss Mother’s Perspective on the Florida School Shooting
As news reports of the High School shooting in Florida hit my computer screen I felt my heartbeat quicken and my mouth go dry. The students’ screams of terror were like a punch to my stomach leaving me winded and crying. This is a common response if you’re a homicide-loss mother. Parents of murdered children […]
Gardening Through Grief
My childhood is blessed with memories of apple orchards, picking blackberries, raking autumn leaves and snowmen. And yes, of gardening, of being a reluctant helper in my parents’ soggy vegetable plot. When I started a family I knew I wanted my children to feel compassion and connected to living things. I’d been working in a city […]
A Four-Part Article on Homicide Loss — Part 1 The challenges faced by homicide loss families
I am a co-victim of homicide, a murder survivor. Some refer to me as the mother of the boy who was killed. At times, it feels as if I don’t even have a name, such is the stigma surrounding homicide. Whatever the term, the fact is that my wonderful, funny, bright, handsome 23-year-old son was […]
Part II Homicide Series — Murder As Entertainment And The Psychology of Fear
In this the second article in the series on homicide loss I look at the challenges faced by co-victims in dealing with society’s response to their loss. Our society is fascinated by crime. Murder sells, violence sells, drama sells. Photos and films repeatedly glamourize the action and thrill of police and detective stories, as well […]