Our child’s belongings feel sacred. Letting go of them is unbearably painful. Instead, we become guardians of their possessions. We look after them as if our lives depended on it. But what happens when we have no option but to downsize? Or circumstances dictate that we must get rid of what’s been left? What then? […]
The Film First Man Perfectly Depicts What Life-long Grief Looks Like
Having planned to take part in #ADayStillStanding with Still Standing Magazine, but unsure how my Monday would look, I was surprised to find myself at my laptop in the early hours of 8th October reflecting on the movie First Man which I had only just seen at the Zurich Film Festival. Damien Chazelle’s film focuses […]
Words That Heal
Initially, the words that helped me to survive the first couple of years were those written by others who’d walked this path before me. I devoured articles and books on loss, desperate to find connection and the elusive feeling of being less alone. Amazon became my ‘go to’ place; books arrived and were placed on […]
Purpose
These two. They give me the courage to be the best version of me. And, The one that is missing. The one that is gone. The one, brutally taken from us, all of us, ripped out of our lives, leaving us breathless from lack of air, suffocating like he did, gagging on our grief because […]
With You When You Awaken; Still There When The Darkness Descends
Fighting against the reality of child loss won’t lead us to the place through which we must travel: the honest, intimate, soul-crushing acceptance that we’re grieving because our child is dead. That’s what we’re being asked to do in facing this indecent truth. We’re being asked to take the hand of this most unwanted, terrifying […]
As Shock Subsides You May Dare Ask, What Now?
Shock is the body’s response to child loss. It shields you temporarily from the enormity of what has happened. It may last only a matter of hours or perhaps several months. Yet at some point, the shock will subside and like a raging tide sucked back out to the sea it’ll reveal the corroded horror […]
The Reflection In The Mirror
I recently read an article by a child-loss mother who wrote of how she no longer recognized herself in the mirror. Her achingly beautiful words stopped me in my tracks, and I was transported back to the days of early grief when the agony of losing my son was so great that it felt as […]