On the first day of the trial, as you stood nervously outside the Court, alone, waiting to enter through the double doors, I felt your pain, your isolation. Two years before, you had sent me a condolence letter. I was grateful that you’d acknowledged my loss. So, taking a deep breath, I walked slowly towards […]
My Eyes Still See Yet My Heart Can’t Feel The Colours
In the stillness of the night, when no one stirred, and my heart was gently beating, you came to me in my dreams. There was no muffled scream, no tears, no fear. Instead, I felt your sweet breath as you whispered — “I love you, mum.” Like guarded pearls, I held your words up to […]
Social Media’s Grief Posts
It’s an inevitable part of social media that we’ll occasionally come across a post that jars and leaves us wondering whether a response is merited. When this happens, I tend to choose the path of least resistance and simply scroll on. However, it does depend on what’s been written and on my mood. Online grief […]
With You When You Awaken; Still There When The Darkness Descends
Fighting against the reality of child loss won’t lead us to the place through which we must travel: the honest, intimate, soul-crushing acceptance that we’re grieving because our child is dead. That’s what we’re being asked to do in facing this indecent truth. We’re being asked to take the hand of this most unwanted, terrifying […]
As Shock Subsides You May Dare Ask, What Now?
Shock is the body’s response to child loss. It shields you temporarily from the enormity of what has happened. It may last only a matter of hours or perhaps several months. Yet at some point, the shock will subside and like a raging tide sucked back out to the sea it’ll reveal the corroded horror […]
The Reflection In The Mirror
I recently read an article by a child-loss mother who wrote of how she no longer recognized herself in the mirror. Her achingly beautiful words stopped me in my tracks, and I was transported back to the days of early grief when the agony of losing my son was so great that it felt as […]
The Dos And Don’ts Of Talking To Homicide-Loss Parents
Most people don’t know how to speak to a homicide-loss parent. They’re lost for words. I get that — homicide is very frightening. So, here’s a list of dos and don’ts to remember: 1. Call the murder victim by their name. Homicide loss survivors are no different from other child loss parents or siblings — […]
Day Of Action — 7 children shot dead every day in the US is 7 too many
We may all have different opinions regarding gun control, and that’s our right and how it should be. But whatever our views, that does not mean we shouldn’t support the amazing students marching peacefully this Friday. The April 20 Day of Action marks the anniversary of the Columbine High School shooting in Colorado in 1999 […]
Walk Out, Get Angry: A Homicide-Loss Mother’s Perspective on the Florida School Shooting
As news reports of the High School shooting in Florida hit my computer screen I felt my heartbeat quicken and my mouth go dry. The students’ screams of terror were like a punch to my stomach leaving me winded and crying. This is a common response if you’re a homicide-loss mother. Parents of murdered children […]
No Altar At Which To Lay My Aching Soul
Over the Easter weekend, we as a family celebrate in our own secular, non-churchgoing way — an early morning chocolate egg hunt followed by a big breakfast featuring a bunny-shaped bread and Easter egg tree. Our family has passed this Swiss tradition down from one generation to the next. It’s without a doubt my favourite […]