The 26th March 2018 will mark the first anniversary of the start of the trial. On that day a year ago, I drove myself and my family to the Courthouse, parked the car and nervously walked up the steps to the entrance under the watchful gaze of lawyers, officials, and the public. I’ve tried not […]
Walk With My Sister
I wish to dedicate “Walk With My Sister” to all those who have lost a sister or brother. I know only too well the heartbreak of sibling loss. I have also seen how my own children struggle to come to terms with the death of Alex. This is a home recording of a song […]
Gardening Through Grief
My childhood is blessed with memories of apple orchards, picking blackberries, raking autumn leaves and snowmen. And yes, of gardening, of being a reluctant helper in my parents’ soggy vegetable plot. When I started a family I knew I wanted my children to feel compassion and connected to living things. I’d been working in a city […]
A Four-Part Article on Homicide Loss — Part 1 The challenges faced by homicide loss families
I am a co-victim of homicide, a murder survivor. Some refer to me as the mother of the boy who was killed. At times, it feels as if I don’t even have a name, such is the stigma surrounding homicide. Whatever the term, the fact is that my wonderful, funny, bright, handsome 23-year-old son was […]
Part II Homicide Series — Murder As Entertainment And The Psychology of Fear
In this the second article in the series on homicide loss I look at the challenges faced by co-victims in dealing with society’s response to their loss. Our society is fascinated by crime. Murder sells, violence sells, drama sells. Photos and films repeatedly glamourize the action and thrill of police and detective stories, as well […]
Part III Homicide Loss Series — Crisis, Trauma and the Justice System
This, the third article of the four-part series on homicide loss explores in more detail the difficulties faced by co-victims and how those in their community can help them. The first area of focus — support during the legal process — deals with the justice system and how it affects homicide survivors. In the second […]
Part IV Homicide Loss Series — Emotional Support in the Initial Stages and Beyond
In this fourth and final article in the series on homicide loss, I look at the psychological and emotional challenges co-victims face, and how friends and family can support them. For a complete understanding of the material covered, it should be read in conjunction with the other articles already published. The series has been divided […]
Journey into the Underworld
He was gone. Her son was dead. She screamed, her wounds of grief as lethal as the gashes on a hunted animal. Her cries reached up to the skies and down to the centre of the Earth. And then she collapsed. In the Underworld, the place where light dares not enter, where the gods and […]
Time is Not Linear and Neither is Grief
Less than 5,400 minutes and counting. When the time is up, at exactly 2pm on 9th August 2017, I and everyone else involved in the criminal case, as well as the killer, will be sitting back in Meilen Court for the Sentencing. There is no frame of experience to help me prepare for this. There […]
Letter for Alex
My darling Alex, As walked among the trees this morning, checking the irrigation and drip-feed sprinklers, I missed you so bad that I had to cut short my walk. It was unbearably hot outside, the sun already high and not a cloud in the sky. Mid-summer noon on our finca is not for the faint-hearted, […]